It´s been difficult, oh my, how difficult it´s been to find things to be grateful for in this particular month. But I did. I focused on the good things, I tried to stay positive.I tried really hard. And it helped. To wake up in the morning and think about all the blessings, all the things I enjoy, I like, I love, I´m passionate about. It changed my day in a way.

And today, the last day of my “30 days of gratitude” is the MOST difficult one. How can I find something to be grateful for in a day like this?

The only thing I can think of is that I´m grateful that my dad didn´t suffer yesterday. He died in his sleep.


26 thoughts on “30/30

  1. This is so sad! I hope that you are okay. Your gratitude work has surely given you that extra bit of strength to deal with a blow like this. Endings…..they are often such hard transitions to make. Beginnings follow though and can see us through.

    This photo of him is wonderful. You have captured much in here. He is a kind looking man and seems gentle. I bet he was very grateful for you, for your love and care for him, for your stories, and for your vibrant presence in his life.

    I will be thinking about you and sending healing thoughts your way.


    • Thank you Ali!
      As you said, endings are followed by beginnings. There is where I find hope. Beginnings.
      It´s said that the minutes before you die, you see your life as if it were in fast forward. I´m sure that what my dad saw was a movie filled with love, because he was smiling, his face totally at peace. And yes, he was a kind soul. Yesterday night all the neighbors came to say goodbye, even the kids and teens of the block with whom my father used to talk like a Grandpa with his grandchildren. It was very moving.
      Thank you for your healing thoughts and for being here for me.

  2. I am so, so sorry to read this and wish I could do more than just sending virtual thoughts and hugs. What a wonderful photo of your Dad, with kind and loving eyes.
    Thinking of you and your family. xxoo

    • Your virtual thoughts and hugs are very welcome. It´s difficult to be present when you are far and you always wish you were closer to give a real hug but you do the best you can to reach that person, and I know it, and I do appreciate your thoughts and words here.
      A big hug to you 🙂

  3. Oh, Ellen, I am so very sorry. 😦 I had mentioned before that I, too, am struggling with the ability to be grateful. My 66-year-old mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s this past summer. I am struggling with how to cope with this horrible, cruel disease and the effect it has/will have on our family. I can’t find hope.

    My thoughts are with you. Sending you a virtual hug.


    • Thank you Becky for your virtual hugs and for your thoughts. They are very appreciated. You have it very hard on you right now and you´ll have to make very difficult decisions in the year to come. My mother went into a state of dementia the months before she died and it was very hard, for her and for all who were with her. She died 4 months ago and my father was still mourning her and trying to understand what had happened to her when he died. It´s an awful disease with devastating effects on the family. I cannot think of any helpful thought right now except that you´ll need to find help for you, for your own mental health, because you´ll need to be very strong to deal with it. You are in my thoughts too and I´ll be here any time you need to talk.

    • I was at home, alone, sleepless and my fingers just danced with the keys and I wrote and when I was exhausted I went to bed. Writing helps me calm down and clear my thoughts. And it was sort of a mission too. I needed to end what I had started, that challenge of finding things to be grateful for, even in the worst moment. It´s been rough, but I have to go on, I cannot afford not to. Thank you very much for your thoughts. I do appreciate it.

  4. Gosh Ellen, I’m so sorry for your loss, but am grateful he did not suffer. I know how tough this is…losing a parent is so, so hard. Thank you for sharing with us such a sweet image of him. You are in my thoughts. -Leah

    “Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality” ~Emily Dickinson

    • Thank you Lea for your thoughts and E.Dickinson´s. I´m grateful too he was spared of the suffering, he was a kind man who will be remembered for lot of people as such. It was his pride, the love he got from the people. He always said “something good I must have done” and he did. I do appreciate your words.

  5. Oh Ellen!!! I had no clue you were going through this with your father now too!!!;(
    I’ve been so out of it with everyone
    I feel terrible now
    Please do tell if you wish what is going on
    You’ve never left my thoughts
    I’ve just been struggling a lot
    I’m so so sorry
    Truly !!
    Love you xxxx

    • I know Kel that you have your share too. It´s been a ride, first my mother, now this. I tried to stay in touch too but it´s been difficult. I know that you think of me as I think of you and I know that I can contact you anytime. Don´t feel terrible. It´s life. Plain and simple. But we give battle, don´t you think my dear warrior? We go on and on, in spite of the troubles. We have no choice because giving up is not one. I send you extra energy to help you in your battle and a big hug and lot of love.

    • Thank you Robin. And yes, it´s difficult but difficult cannot or shouldn´t prevent you from seeing the good things, at least I try not to lose sight of the good around me. My friends, for example, and people who really surprised me with gestures I did not expect.

  6. My dearest friend Ellen, you know my heart is hanging heavy and I’m sending all my love to you. With that said you are one strong lady. You are human and if you really don’t want to be grateful at this moment, that is ok. I know you though, your positive spirit. I know you two were close and you have all of those memories to cherish. I too am grateful that he did not suffer. As I mentioned before, you are in my thoughts. Sending a big hug.

    • Thank you Ellen for your constant support, and yes, believe it or not, in a moment like this, I´m seeing that I still have more things to be grateful for in my life, I don´t want to forget them.

  7. Oh gosh, that’s so sad. I don’t really know what to say; my thoughts are with you, it sounds as though the past months have been the most difficult a person can face. I only hope that you are able to stay strong – and I believe you are – and see the turn of the year as the start of a new chapter, one which will begin with difficulty and grief but will develop into something more positive.

    • Thank you David for your words, I do appreciate them. And yes, it´s the way I see it, and ending and a beginning. If I´m lucky and I´ve gained wisdom in the previous chapter, the new one should turn into something positive for sure.

  8. Hello Ellen…your father looked like a very kind man. I also lost my mother back in June…but it was cancer and she did suffer. From your last comment, you have had a lot of loss recently! Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog about traveling. I, like you, seem to seldom feel content, unless I’m traveling or taking photos! Sending healing and peaceful thoughts to you…and hoping that much love and light shine on you! ~Sherry~

    • Thanks for the healing and peaceful thoughts !!
      I´m sorry to hear about your mother … but we are lucky somehow. Most people our age I know have lost their parents long ago. We had them all these years. That counts!!

      As for our very serious “illness”, I love to have been infected with the travel bug!! It´s the only disease I´m happy for! LOL I hope you can go abroad and teach!!!

      Have a very nice weekend and thanks for your words.

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