Summer tops

A simple action such as folding my summer tops to” put them at rest”  till next summer has triggered some thoughts:

Why do I have so many tops and I always wear five or six of them?
Why do I keep those I don´t wear at all or rarely wear?

I guess that the answer to the first question is that some of them don´t fit me anymore. I´ve gained weight in the past two years and just now I realize that it was not a pound or two. The answer to the second question is that I always think that I´ll wear them next summer.


Then, another thought popped up: how is it that I didn´t realize that I´ve been gaining weight? At the top of my head, I´ve been so preoccupied, worried, anguished, sad, that I barely looked myself at the mirror or paid attention to the signs. When I start to feel there is some stability something else happens. The latest is the robbery. I´m not fully recovered yet.

This chain of thought leads me to another bunch of questions, not totally related. What can I do to make it all better? Where will I put my clothes when I move?

The first question has no easy answer. I don´t know where to start. I used to live a very hectic life and now I feel I´m just stuck in a routine that I don´t like. It´s not just about the pounds I´ve gained, that is a collateral damage. It´s about not having energy, being tired most of the time. A doctor I´m seeing says that if I were a book, it´d be about stress. Losing parents, friends, job at risk, moving, mourning. Where do I start?

The second question is easier. I have to plan where and what type of closet I can get in my new place. One of the things about old houses here is that there is space but there is not at the same time. Funny. I´ll have to live with the one I have right now at the beginning and pile up the boxes with clothes next to it. A good opportunity to get rid of everything I don´t wear.

The first question brought another one: where do I start to make it all better? What would be the “baby steps” I need to take? I don´t expect an answer from you, I´m just thinking aloud. But if you happen to have an idea, it´s welcome.

Now I´m worried about going through the pants and skirts. What sort of questions can they trigger?

10 thoughts on “Summer tops

  1. So much has happened to you and in such a short time! When I get too stressed or down the first step is one that you also know. Exercise! It neurologically helps with mood, can turn around energy levels, helps to lose weight and you feel fit and strong (better able to cope with challenges). And it doesn’t need to be complex, even walking around the block every night after supper can make a difference. I also like that I can gain some clarity of thought and work out problems when I am out of the house and away from things. So that is what I will share. But I know that you are very active already 🙂

    It is exciting to be thinking about your new place! It will be soon. Yeah!

    • I know that excercise can help but it is as if my brain doesn´t communicate with my body and when home I don´t go out again as I used to.
      Not even working on my project, exciting as it is!!
      Anyway, I try …
      Thank you very much for always being with me!!

  2. I agree with Ali, it’s often hard to find or make the time but exercise is as good for the body as it is for the spirit. When I run things become much more clear in my mind. I often have epiphanies and aha! moments. I used to listen to music but now it’s just the thoughts in my head. Best of luck with your move and finding the time to exercise.

    • Thank you Becky!!! I don´t move far, just the house at the back LOL but it needs serious repairs, the way it is right now, it´s impossible to inhabit.

  3. No wonder you have put weight on with all that stress… I do not really have an answer but if there is an area where you can take control and be proactive, start there. In the meantime, I am sending hugs. xx

  4. *Hugs* Take it slow and easy and be kind to yourself, Ellen. You have been through a lot.
    I noticed the same thing about my clothing when I was packing to move, and now that I’m unpacking. There is little storage here, and I don’t know why I hold on to so many articles of clothing. I usually wear the same five or six or seven. Thinking about the clothing does lead to all sorts of questions.

  5. Today, I emailed a friend saying “next summer, if you hear me saying I´m buying a skirt, top, short pant or whatever you say NO, don´t do it and if I´ve already bought it, force me to return it LOL because I was packing dresses and skirts today. But it seems it´s universal !!! every woman I talk about this says she shares the same “dilemma” … Im not alone!! LOL
    Thanks for the hugs!!

    • Thank you dear!!!! positive thoughts are always welcome!! It´s true that I´m having it tough and I´ve lost so many people and things in these years … but I haven´t lost the ability to appreciate the good that there is around, the hope, the dreams, the little things that are worth enjoying. I haven´t lost myself … I hope!!

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