Diary

A simple action such as folding my summer tops to” put them at rest” till next summer has triggered some thoughts:

Why do I have so many tops and I always wear five or six of them?
Why do I keep those I don´t wear at all or rarely wear?

I guess that the answer to the first question is that some of them don´t fit me anymore. I´ve gained weight in the past two years and just now I realize that it was not a pound or two. The answer to the second question is that I always think that I´ll wear them next summer.

Then, another thought popped up: how is it that I didn´t realize that I´ve been gaining weight? At the top of my head, I´ve been so preoccupied, worried, anguished, sad, that I barely looked myself at the mirror or paid attention to the signs. When I start to feel there is some stability something else happens. The latest is the robbery. I´m not fully recovered yet.

This chain of thought leads me to another bunch of questions, not totally related. What can I do to make it all better? Where will I put my clothes when I move?

The first question has no easy answer. I don´t know where to start. I used to live a very hectic life and now I feel I´m just stuck in a routine that I don´t like. It´s not just about the pounds I´ve gained, that is a collateral damage. It´s about not having energy, being tired most of the time. A doctor I´m seeing says that if I were a book, it´d be about stress. Losing parents, friends, job at risk, moving, mourning. Where do I start?

The second question is easier. I have to plan where and what type of closet I can get in my new place. One of the things about old houses here is that there is space but there is not at the same time. Funny. I´ll have to live with the one I have right now at the beginning and pile up the boxes with clothes next to it. A good opportunity to get rid of everything I don´t wear.

The first question brought another one: where do I start to make it all better? What would be the “baby steps” I need to take? I don´t expect an answer from you, I´m just thinking aloud. But if you happen to have an idea, it´s welcome.

Now I´m worried about going through the pants and skirts. What sort of questions can they trigger?

Two facts: Summer is in the air and I`m living on Milton St.

One of the things I like the most is to be able to have breakfasts in my rooftop, looking up and seeing the sky and not tall buildings. It`s still what we call “bien barrio” which has not exact translation but it means something like “it`s still a neighborhood like in the old times, when the city had just a few skyscrapers and people knew who their neighbors were by their name”.

I leave the house and on my way to the train station I exchange “good-mornings” with everybody. Most people are walking their dogs or sweeping the sidewalk or watering the flowerbeds in their windows. It`s mostly retired people but there are some youngsters too. My new neighbors are in fact, my old neighbors since they`ve known me for more than 30 years, when I lived here in my 20´s and then when I visited my parents. Good-mornings sometimes come with a chit-chat that is another “trade mark” of “bien barrio”. People are curious about my returning to Milton St. and they want to know if I`m staying or I`m selling the house. I satisfy their curiosity , mmm sometimes.