Every story comes to an end

This house was in my parent´s house for as long as I can remember

This house was in my parent´s house for as long as I can remember

I still remember the first time I went to Milton. It was a house that had certainly seen better days. Its gray walls with peeling paint, the distinctive smell of damp. The bathroom was tiny and the kitchen was a greasy hole. The room upstairs had a window the size of a dog door. The patio overlooked a hallway which walls were covered with moss. The rooftop had a dilapidated room full of garbage. As if it were yesterday, I can feel tears rolling down my face. I couldn´t believe my parents had bought that house.

My father said “don´t worry, I´ll fix it and it´ll be beautiful house”. It sounded more like wishful thinking than a plan. Secretly, I was thankful I didn´t have to live there. I had moved into my brother´s apartment.

My father fixed the house. He changed spaces. Where there was a kitchen now there was the main bathroom. Where there was a big bedroom now there was a very big kitchen, the room upstairs changed the dog door for a very big window, the dilapidated room on the rooftop became a green house, the hallways was cleaned up and the whole house was painted with bright and light colors. In less than a year it became a very beautiful house.

Life has funny ways. Lot of water under the bridge since then.

My brother´s death caused my moving into Milton for the first time. My parent´s death caused my moving into Milton for the last time. And Milton? It was growing old, little by little, witnessing our lives.

Every story comes to an end. It was time to say goodbye. And I couldn´t help but thinking that I was leaving the house in almost the exact same condition it was when I first saw it, with peeling walls, worn off colors, damp, completely damaged.

hall

hall

window overlooking a hallway

window overlooking a hallway

hall

hall

my parent´s bedroom looking at the living room

my parent´s bedroom looking at the living room

This is the room where my mother created the most amazing pieces of clothing

This is the room where my mother created the most amazing pieces of clothing

Main door from inside

Main door from inside

stairs to the rooftop

stairs to the rooftop

lady´s

lady´s

boy´s

boy´s

kitchen

kitchen

bathroom

bathroom

patio looking at the front door

patio looking at the front door

living room

living room

I went over the rooms, one by one, they were empty, silent. The feeling was that of a set, when the shooting is over and the lights go off and the actors leave. And there is silence, stillness.

And I turned the lights off and l shut the door.

tristeza

And I cried like the first time for the last time.

The Universe

Thanks to two friends from here, I now get letters from the Universe.

Here’s what the Universe wrote to me this morning:

You’re the kind of person, Ellen
Who’s hard to forget,
A one-in-a-million
To the people you’ve met.
Your friends are as varied
As the places you go,
And they all want to tell you
In case you don’t know:
That you make a big difference
In the lives that you touch,
By taking so little
And giving so much!

Ellen, you are so AWESOME! For your birthday, friends and angels from every corner of the Universe, including buddies you didn’t know you had, will be with you to wish you the HAPPIEST of days and an exciting new year in time and space. You won’t be alone!

Isn’t it lovely to be greeted with such enthusiasm?

weekend025-small.jpg

It’s very early …

Have a good day people!!!

Summer tops

A simple action such as folding my summer tops to” put them at rest”  till next summer has triggered some thoughts:

Why do I have so many tops and I always wear five or six of them?
Why do I keep those I don´t wear at all or rarely wear?

I guess that the answer to the first question is that some of them don´t fit me anymore. I´ve gained weight in the past two years and just now I realize that it was not a pound or two. The answer to the second question is that I always think that I´ll wear them next summer.

???????????????????????????????

Then, another thought popped up: how is it that I didn´t realize that I´ve been gaining weight? At the top of my head, I´ve been so preoccupied, worried, anguished, sad, that I barely looked myself at the mirror or paid attention to the signs. When I start to feel there is some stability something else happens. The latest is the robbery. I´m not fully recovered yet.

This chain of thought leads me to another bunch of questions, not totally related. What can I do to make it all better? Where will I put my clothes when I move?

The first question has no easy answer. I don´t know where to start. I used to live a very hectic life and now I feel I´m just stuck in a routine that I don´t like. It´s not just about the pounds I´ve gained, that is a collateral damage. It´s about not having energy, being tired most of the time. A doctor I´m seeing says that if I were a book, it´d be about stress. Losing parents, friends, job at risk, moving, mourning. Where do I start?

The second question is easier. I have to plan where and what type of closet I can get in my new place. One of the things about old houses here is that there is space but there is not at the same time. Funny. I´ll have to live with the one I have right now at the beginning and pile up the boxes with clothes next to it. A good opportunity to get rid of everything I don´t wear.

The first question brought another one: where do I start to make it all better? What would be the “baby steps” I need to take? I don´t expect an answer from you, I´m just thinking aloud. But if you happen to have an idea, it´s welcome.

Now I´m worried about going through the pants and skirts. What sort of questions can they trigger?

Mondays

April 1st. I was wondering if it was going to be a good month because it started on a Monday. It was not. Some guys broke in my house, destroyed my front door, my three locks and took my notebook and netbook. Just that, nothing else.

The most important thing they took was my peace of mind. I haven´t been able to sleep, I´m jumpy, the first night I wanted to cry, to run away from the house. And the second, and the third and the following nights for several weeks. It´s been hard.

I blame Mondays.